I had no idea how to react to my suite mate casually informing me of this occurance like WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DID MY OTHER ROOMMATES NOT FUCKING CALL ME? I WOULD HAVE COME HOME RIGHT AWAY? She was my first friend here at college and I was close to her and NO ONE THOUGHT TO CALL ME. I WAS LIKE THE ONLY PERSON SHE KNEW HERE AND NO ONE CALLED ME WHAT THE FUCK?
I got into my room and looked at my roommates who were as calm as if they had just gotten out of yoga class, what the fuck?
I make a series of phone calls to my roommate included who was in the ER and told me she was Okay but was going to be there for a while and then I called her mom and told her about her intense depressive behavior recently and how she really need professional help, beyond anything simple friendships can solve. And she wasn't going to drive up until tomorrow.... what the fuck?
If that was my fucking kid I would be freaking out and be there in like 2 seconds. Even if this behavior wasn't super unpredictable, you still come ASAP not when it's convenient for you IM SORRY I INCONVENIENTLY TRIED TO KILL ME SELF. ILL WAIT UNTIL A BETTER TIME NEXT TIME. GOD THE LACK OF COMPASSION IN HUMANS ASTOUNDS ME. like seriously what the fuck?
Had long talk with my fam as well and learned grandma probably will not last through the weekend and I will most likely go up there for the funeral next weekend before Thanksgiving... wtf
Now I am sitting here listening to Macklemore be amazing and begin thinking about all these things circling in my conscience. I think bot of these situations are dire and are terribly sad, but to what degree are they environmentally affected and/or individual choices. Would my grandma be in this situation if she ate right, excersised and didn't weigh 4oo lbs. Would this have happened to Rochelle if she had gone and bought the tickets with me for the concert like she said she was going to before she got really bad? The answer is probably not. Eventually we all die, but we seem to have more control over when it happens and how then we think. How much control society lets us believe we have it what ultimately is the deciding factor and therefore indirectly an environmental cause. If raised in a society where power is always higher and citizens are always dependent on higher ups, then the less control over our lives we will feel. When a society is truly meritocratic and individual then we will become truly free agents in our choices and times of death. Until then we are caged by our minds, which were formed by society, into thinking certain levels of what we can and can't do. What the fuck?
-I have no words other than wtf